Breakups are difficult, to say the least. They can be much more tough, in my experience, when you can't pinpoint one specific reason why the relationship failed. If you're anything like me, you've definitely been in a relationship (or several relationships) where there were no obvious warning signals, red flags, or concerns, but something still didn't feel right.
It can be difficult to make the final decision to walk away when you can't place a label on the reason. And, while we don't encourage throwing in the towel at the first argument or roadblock, it's critical to be conscious of what doesn't feel right, even if nothing is wrong.
Even if there are no obvious red flags, arguments, or problems, there are nine clues that a relationship isn't right for you.
1. Spending time with other people is more appealing to you.
Maybe you've passed the honeymoon stage and are finding it increasingly difficult to spend quality time with your sweetheart. While the honeymoon period must eventually pass, preferring to hang out with your pals every night you're free or dreading plans with your significant other is not a sign of a healthy relationship.
2. You're exhausted after spending time with each other.
Recognizing how you feel after spending time with your spouse might help you assess the quality of your relationship. Do you feel empowered and uplifted afterward, or depleted and relieved? If the latter is the case, attempt to figure out what about your time together is making you feel that way. Even in the healthiest relationships, not every day will be smooth sailing, but with effective communication, you should feel generally happy at the end of your time together (yes, even after a disagreement ).
3. You daydream about what it would be like to be single once more.
It's totally normal to experience a touch of envy when you see photographs of your college roommate traveling solo around Europe or your bestie getting carried away on a fantastic first date, no matter how healthy and wonderful your relationship is. However, whether or not there are red flags, if you are constantly fantasizing about being single and romanticizing life without your significant other, you may not be in the mental space for that relationship right now.
4. You don't miss them when you're not together.
Three of my favorite things are independence, self-care, and self-love. Again, we all need limits, and spending time apart is necessary, but if you spend a lot of time away from your spouse and don't miss them at all, it may be a clue that this relationship isn't appropriate for you. Are they reaching out to you more than you are or telling you how much they miss you, but you don't share their feelings? Knowing how they're feeling can assist you figure out whether or not they're feeling the same way.
5. You become irritated at everything.
Assume that we've all been there: Suddenly, the trail of water your partner leaves on the floor after their shower irritates you to no limit; you begin to despise the way they chew their food, and the morning music on their phone alarm makes you want to scream. It doesn't matter what it is that annoys you. While you may never love everything about someone, you also can't have a good relationship with someone who irritates you all the time. If you want to improve your relationship, talk about the issues that are bothering you (nicely and lovingly).
However, if you can't seem to go over an emotion rather than a phase or scenario, realize that it's not you; it could just be the connection.
6. They aren't the first person you think of when you have good news to share.
Other significant relationships in your life are just as important, and wanting to tell your mother or best friend about a job promotion or exciting rise is a wonderful thing. However, if you find yourself sharing your victories with others instead of your significant other because you're afraid your partner won't be happy for you or won't give you the exciting response you want, it could be a "pink flag," which is a red flag that is so subtle that you won't notice it at first. Bottom line: You should be confident that your significant other is your biggest supporter and will want to celebrate your victories with you.
7. You believe they are impeding your ability to live the life you desire.
Do you despise your partner or believe that being with them prevents you from achieving your goals? You may love them and want to be with them, but it feels like you have to choose between them and other things you want in life, such as a good career, living in the city of your dreams, or having a vibrant social life. This might be challenging because compromise is important in any partnership, but if you want your relationship to endure, you need to feel like you're working together to create the life you want, rather than feeling like they're holding you back.
8. An ongoing issue is a lack of intimacy.
When it comes to healthy sex life in relationships, there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all solution, but if you and your spouse are unable to communicate your wants to each other, problems are on the way. Nobody's sex drive, expectations, or desires are precisely the same, which is why these requirements should always be discussed openly and honestly. If you can't get on the same page, one or both of you may see your present sex life situation as a lack of intimacy, which will manifest itself in a lack of intimacy outside of the bedroom as well. P.S. You may go through moments of being incredibly turned on by your spouse and then want nothing to do with them in an LTR, but what if you're never attracted to them? This is a red flag.
9. You are uninterested in arguing.
We are aware of the warning signals that indicate a toxic relationship, such as continual squabbling or disagreements over major life decisions. It could also be a red sign if you don't have any disagreements at all.
Are you, for example, too exhausted to express any worries or conflicts with your partner? Or do you simply not care enough to express your dissatisfaction with something? Perhaps you believe it is better to keep these things unsaid, yet failing to disagree shows that you have no desire to mend or work on the relationship. When you lose interest in communication, you're likely to lose interest in the relationship as well.
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