When you get married it is not easy to overlook the other members of the family because they are family to your partner hence they are family to you too. In many Circumstances the In-laws tend to be very nasty towards one another which I find unnecessary and can easily lead to a broken marriage. How then do you successfully accommodate in- laws and still enjoy your?
Work Together As A Family;
When you are married you are one person, speak in one voice to avoid leaving room for the In-laws to come in between. For example if an in- law asks for cash it is advisable to have the other partner send the money that it will be clear the other partner is aware. There is nothing like devided loyalty so never pick a side when there is a fight and if you must pick a side then pick your partner's side.
Set clear boundaries;
Come up with very strong fences on your expectations from your in- laws like inform them you want them to always call before they show up and if they show up unannounced then they should not expect any special treatments. Good fences make good neighbours and your in-laws should be good neighbours. Setting boundaries will create a very healthy space of when the in-laws are welcomed into your family and when they are not that way they will come in and out of your life appropriately. We are emotional beings and sometimes boundaries can be overwhelming that way it is allowed to reset the boundaries and reassure them you are not closing them out.
Discuss with your spouse on what the roles of the in-laws should be in your home;
Don't always assume that your partner knows about it or don't set the boundaries alone coz that may make your partner feel like their side is being attacked. Discuss on issues like how far the in- laws are allowed to go in your family.
Never tell your parents your problems;
Marriage is not a bed of roses, during the fighting times it is good to solve them in- house or find sober means to talk them out. Parents will always pick sides and will try to blame the other partner for their kins misfortunes, this will bring more heat because they will eventually start fighting among themselves as they defend their own.
Talk it out;
If your sister in- law has done something that hurt you, approach her and talk about it. Do not involve the brother or a third party so you don't create animosity. Tell her what exactly hurt you and discuss what your expectations to each other are.
Understand your responsibility;
Sometimes when the husband has done wrong to the wife's family it is good for the wife to step in and make peace and vise versa. The person with the primary relationship should be the messenger, traditionally there should be defined respect among in-laws hence a son- inlaws should not directly approach his in- laws.
Deal with the other woman dynamic;
The other important woman in a man's life is his mother but once he marries then the wife becomes the most important one. If he tries to create some competition sometimes remind him maybe he needs to go back and get his mother's care.
Do not make your partner choose sides;
This one women are mostly guilty comments like" you either choose your mother or me". Facts laid bear the two women are not in competition because the relationship the man has with both in different. If you make him choose sides chances that he will choose his mother are high that will obviously hurt.
Your parents will know what you tell them;
If you always go to complain to your parents about your partner and never go back to say you made up is wrong. This will make your parents have a negative image about your partner and you will be brewing bad blood among them.
Always gift your in-laws
Gifts soften our hearts and they help us run with our sins. Choose to build a house if they don't have one, buy them a car if they don't have one. This also reduces Jelousy from the in- laws side, you will avoid comments like " we took our son to school but this woman made our son forget about us ".
Sometimes choose to loose a fight;
You don't always have to be right or win a fight. Sometimes accept the mistake apologise and move on. It is not always about winning a fight but for the sake of peace and your own happiness.
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