Have you ever had this happen?
...You see "her" and you are dying to meet her. You know you will probably never see her again. So you MUST make a move....but what do you say?
You figure a woman like "her" gets approached what...10, 20, 30 times a week? You also figure just about every man who knows her has tried to date her, at least once.
She might even have a boyfriend, or a husband! And even if you knew exactly what to say, how would you keep her attention and find a reason to get her number and talk to her again?
Relax. Every other man on earth has the same questions when he sees "her." So let look at a few easy ways that you can start a conversation without giving yourself a heart attack...
First things First: She is Only Human
Most of us men are puzzled about how to start a conversation with a woman because we have an elevated expectation. This is not fair to you or to her. She is human, and it is okay to initiate a conversation with her in the same way you would with any other human being:
"How are you today?" or "Good morning."
Ok. this might sound so simple but hey! Every conversation has a starting point. And just saying hi! could change a greeting into a conversation.
Of course, you want to engage her in interesting conversation that sets you apart from the other men who approach her. But first you have to get your foot in the door and you do not need an over-the-top opener to do that.
A casual greeting will come across as a lot more genuine and will help you both to relax...
This will make it easy to move to the next step...
Second, Work on Your Improv
The best way to connect with a woman is to be as present with her as possible. Women are much more intuitive than men can tell when you are "in your own head" or focused on something other than the moment. The problem is that being spontaneous in our conversation is not a skill which comes naturally to most men.
This is why it is important to practice your skills of improvisation at all times, whether you are approaching a woman or not. By improvisation I mean being able to pick out something from your surrounding environment and build a conversation around it. Women are people and they want to be talked to that way.
Having a premeditated plan about what you are going to say to a woman will only make you sound phony. So start practicing your improvisation skills everywhere that you go using these simple techniques:
1. Talk to everyone you can
The next time you go somewhere, get into the habit of saying: "Good morning" to as many people as possible. Once you are comfortable with this, add the phrase: "How are you?" This simple exercise will sharpen your social skills and get you used to talking to people you do not know.
If you do not talk to anyone and just wait till you see "her", your social skills will be sluggish and awkward. You will also be nervous because you will have more invested in the interaction. So do not wait until you see "her" to start working on your conversation skills, put in the work now so you will be ready when the time comes.
Remember, it was not raining when Noah built the Ark.
2. Look for Props
Props are conversation pieces, or things within your immediate environment that you can build a conversation around. As you are practicing the habit of talking to everyone, start getting into the habit of looking for props to use as conversation starters.
Even if you do not use these props, make it a habit to come up with something that you could possibly say to someone about it. This might seem difficult and awkward at first, but that is only because it is not part of your routine right now. Do it anyway, keeping in mind that everything that you can now do well was once difficult and
For example, if you are in a Starbucks getting a cup of coffee you can ask her: "Have you had the ___, I was thinking about getting it." Again, very simple but you never know where the conversation might lead. Most women are pretty good at talking, especially if there might be some kind of interest on her part.
In other words, it is not always up to you to do all the work and that is a good thing. This is where the final step of starting a conversation comes in.
Play a Little Verbal Tennis
If you are nervous about starting a conversation with a woman you do not know, here is something comforting to remember: a conversation is a two-sided interaction. Remember, you have one mouth and two ears...that is so you do not have to be under the pressure to do all the talking. If you find that you are trying to initiate a conversation with a woman and she is just not responding, you either caught her at a bad time or she is not interested.
Either way, there is no reason for you to get nervous about starting a conversation because of these two possibilities. No man, dead or alive, has ever been able to gain the interest of every woman he speaks to... so there is no reason to put yourself under that kind of pressure. On the other hand, if she is interested you can take a lot of the pressure off yourself with a little verbal tennis.
In other words, practice hitting the "ball" back to her every time you say something by adding a question. Again, this will take some practice so it is a good idea to find someone to practice with so that your skills are sharp when you meet her.
Here is a little competitive game that will help you to master the art of verbal tennis: First, you will need a friend of yours (male or female) to start a conversation with you by asking you a question.
You will also need a small item (like a tennis ball) that you can toss back and forth. After your friend asks the first question, have them toss the ball to you. Your job is to then respond to the question, ask them a question and throw the ball back to them.
Keep this up as long as possible, and whoever is holding the ball and not able to come up with a new question loses the game. As silly as this may sound to you, it will help you to build the conversation skills that will enable you to engage in a two-way conversation.
If the woman you are speaking to has any kind of interest in you at all, she will do her part to help you keep things going.
Now, you might be thinking: "Okay, this is great for starting the conversation, but what then?"
Well, stay tuned because we will be getting into that within the next few posts...
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