Despite your best intentions, there are some things you just shouldn't say to someone struggling with infertility.
If you have a friend or family member who’s struggling to get pregnant, your instinct may be to comfort her by telling her not to stress, and that eventually, it will all work out.
But while you mean well, this kind of advice might make your loved one feel worse. She knows very well it may not work out in the end. And a “don’t worry” directive can feel insensitive and glib.
The kindest thing you can just do is offer her a listening ear, and allow her to share as much as she chooses.
So whether you’re aware of someone’s efforts to conceive or not, avoid the following statements:
1. Having kids has a lot of work, so you’re lucky you don’t have one
Sure, having children is work but it’s work that person desperately wants to do. She doesn’t feel lucky in any way, but rather quite unlucky that it hasn’t happened yet.
2. You’re so young
Age isn’t everything. You don’t know if she has a condition that makes conceiving much more difficult, no matter how old she is.
3. Don’t worry, today’s technology is amazing, I read somewhere that a woman gave birth in her 60s.
Yes, people really say things like this! Suggesting that technology will save the day in the end just minimizes the couple’s whole journey.
4. Maybe it’s for the best
A couple desperately wanting a child (or an additional child) will never think their unsuccessful attempts were “for the best.”
5. It’s in God’s hands
Bringing religious beliefs into the conversation is a risky move. You don’t know who believes in what.
6. Try to adopt
While, yes, there are a lot of children who need families, you don’t know if the couple has already looked into the very detailed process of adoption. Or if, perhaps, they feel strongly about having their own biological children and haven’t given up on that dream just yet.
7. Just relax. You’ll get pregnant if you stop trying so hard.
Probably one of the most frustrating thing is to hear a person telling couples to relax about conceiving. Maybe you never know if her body isn’t ovulating or what else might be preventing them from having success.
So in conclution, let your friend know that you care. Ask what she needs. And how you can be supportive then, do that.
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