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Opinion: How to Speak to Your Child About Their Deadbeat Dad

Children are blessings and their innocence is always overwhelming. The more they grow, the more their little curious brains try to fill in the gaps they see in their lives. Your child might be observing around and noticing that his or her playmates have two parents each; a mom and a dad. But when he or she comes back home, he or she finds just you.

The issue with dead beat dads is not a new thing to women. Some men impregnate ladies and run off on the grounds of not being ready to settle down, not being ready to take responsibility or not yet financially stable.

Most of the time, this burden falls back on the shoulders of the lady’s parents who are by then seeking to enjoy the fruits of their labor bringing up their own children.

The ladies therefore, bring up their young ones with a lot of anger and/or sadness knowing that they did not deserve the judgements, disappointments and feelings of self loathe.

So when it is finally time to answer the big question, these single moms are faced with confusion on what exactly is to be said. But here some steps;


1. Fight the urge to talk ill of your baby’s father.

I know this might be the hardest thing to do since the guy abandoned you when you desperately needed him around but take a deep breath. He or she needs you to be strong enough not to bad mouthing the guy they should be calling their father. Fight the urge to shout at him or her saying, “He didn’t want us anymore so please stop asking about him!”. Explain in the simplest way why you two could not be together.

2. Tell them the truth.

They might be so young to understand everything but always make sure that your story is a truthful one. Avoid saying things like “He died!” while he is still alive or “He is working abroad” while you well know that it is not true.

3. Make your child understand that his or her feelings are very valid.

Tell your child that it is okay to feel sad or angry. Assure then that they are not being stubborn or childish for however they react. Tell them something like, “It is okay to feel sad. I would be if I were you. I totally understand how you might be feeling right now.”

4. Assure your child that it was not his or her fault that the guy ghosted you.

Children are always thinking that the earth revolves around them and this might invoke the feeling of guilt.

5. Tell your child about his or her father’s good qualities.

This might be the last thing to come to your mind and that is why you need to note them down earlier. Keep in mind the fact that the goal is not to make the child hate their father. So try your best to show your son or daughter that he was not sired by an evil man who doesn’t care where he or she is right now.

6. Praise your child’s positive characteristics.

Apart from boosting his or her confidence, praising their good behaviors will remind them that you have raised them well and it will clear the thoughts of them ever becoming like their father.

7. Remind them of the father figures around them.

If the child grew up seeing their grandparents around, you can always point out that his grandpa will always be there for them. Also, find a godfather or a trusted male who will be their role model so that they don’t feel the void in their lives.

Content created and supplied by: Christabel_Njeri (via Opera News )

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